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Supporting aging parents brings a host of challenges, and communication issues rank high. If you’re struggling with what to do when elderly parents refuse help, you’re not alone: A whopping 77% of adult children believe their parents are stubborn about taking their advice or getting help with daily tasks, according to a study by researchers at Penn State University. Fortunately, the situation isn’t hopeless.

Mary Heitger-Marek, a 50-year-old program analyst from Annapolis, Maryland, like many of us, asks this question daily.

“I can’t even begin to tell you how many times my husband and I have suggested options to improve my parents’ quality of life, and they’ve turned us down,” she says. “I feel like we could open a senior care business because of all the programs, aid, and other things we’ve looked into for them.”

Unfortunately, Mary’s feelings are not uncommon when caring for aging parents. Aging care and health professionals recommend the following steps to relieve the resentment and anxiety that can accompany assisting elderly parents who refuse help.

Aging is a difficult process for virtually everyone. Many older adults are living with dementia or mental health issues, including anxiety and depression. Learning how to tell an elderly parent they need help through incorporating their feelings can help you communicate with them better.

“Realizing that your parents’ autonomy is important to them can be beneficial as well,” says social worker Suzanne Modigliani, a Massachusetts-based life care specialist who works with families to solve elder care problems. She suggests asking yourself some key questions about your parents’ behavior:

• Are they acting this way out of habit?
• Are they worried about losing their independence?
• Are they suffering from depression or anxiety?
• Are they confused or do they have dementia?
• What are some things they may be fearing?

Identifying the root causes of your parents’ behavior can help you identify the best way to make positive changes.

Although you have your parents’ best interest in mind, the reality is that they are in control of their own life and care options. “[Your parents] are adults with the right to make decisions – even poor ones,” Modigliani says.

Accepting this fact – as hard as it is – can help lower your stress and even improve your relationship with your aging parents.

People don’t respond well to nagging, real or perceived. In the long run, it might help your case to stop insisting your parents update their phones, join a fitness class or complete other beneficial, but nonessential, tasks.

Instead, decide what issues are the most important and focus on them – at least initially. Matters involving your parents’ safety, for instance, should take top priority.

But remember, they’re much more likely to take your concerns seriously if you don’t bombard them with several at once, no matter how valid they may be.

Even professional family mediator Roseann Vanella of Marlton, New Jersey, has found little success in assisting her elderly parents who refuse help. Her father has dementia, and her mother has a rare blood disorder. Still, her mother insisted on taking her husband to Sicily on vacation.

“I can’t stop you, so at least get medical jet insurance,” Vanella said. Her mother said she would.

Soon after arriving in Italy, her mother’s disease flared up: She needed a blood transfusion – at home. Vanella’s mother admitted she never purchased the insurance, and Vanella and her brother were on the next plane to Italy.

“After that, I said, ‘She’s never going to take him to Europe [again],’ but she did,” Vanella says. “I told her how bad it was for my dad since his dementia had progressed.”

Vanella had to fly to Italy and bring her parents back.

“The hardest part is knowing something could have been averted, especially in terms of my dad’s dementia, but wasn’t,” she says. “My advice is not to hit your head against the wall too hard. There isn’t a lot we can do sometimes but stand by, watch closely, and be able to jump in when needed.”

While it may feel as if you and your parents have switched roles at times, assisting elderly parents who refuse help is easier when you acknowledge them and treat them with respect.

“Avoid infantilizing your parents,” says Dr. Robert Kane, former director of the Center on Aging (now the Center for Healthy Aging and Innovation) at the University of Minnesota, and author of The Good Caregiver.

“Dealing with a stubborn parent is not the same as dealing with a stubborn child. Older people should be autonomous,” he says.

When it comes to assisting elderly parents who refuse help, remember this: Above all, the goal is to help your parents receive the best care possible.

You’re much more likely to get positive results by treating your aging parents like the adults that they are. This goes for simple tasks, such as helping your parents remember to take their medications, and harder tasks, such as helping them get treatment for diabetes.

If your parents aren’t willing to change their behavior for themselves, maybe they will for a loved one. Kane’s mother quit smoking after his sister argued that her second-hand smoke was a risk to the grandchildren.

Another approach to assisting elderly parents who refuse help is to be direct about how it affects you. Communicate your worries to your parent and explain how your anxieties will be tempered if he or she follows your advice.

If you’re upset that your elderly parent refuses to move to a safer living situation or take their medication as directed, it’s important to vent – but not to your parents. Instead, confide in, or strategize with, a friend, sibling, therapist, online support group, or Senior Living Advisor.

This is especially important if you are the primary caregiver to your aging parents.

It’s easy to become overwhelmed with frustration, fear, and anxiety when constantly assisting elderly parents who refuse help – no matter how deeply you care about them. Guard against this by caring for yourself and finding activities to help release negative emotions.

Including your aging loved one in future plans may help motivate them to receive needed care. Even if your parent has not been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia, living with any kind of memory loss can be very difficult for seniors to deal with, or even acknowledge. Helping your elderly parents remember important dates eases anxiety for everyone.

Is there a family celebration they want to attend that’s coming up, such as an anniversary, graduation, or wedding? Bring it up. Talk about it frequently. Put it on the calendar. Share the excitement.

Listen to your parent’s needs. Although you have their best interests at heart, remind yourself that, in the end, they have autonomy over their decisions. Have open conversations, and establish a middle ground where everyone is comfortable while ensuring the elderly person or persons at the center of the conversation understand you are coming from a place of love and care.

By paying attention to your aging parents’ needs and balancing those against the advice of health professionals, you can make assisting elderly parents who refuse help less stressful for everyone – even if mom and dad don’t always take your advice.

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Source: Kim Acosta

Are you considering opening a joint bank account with your aging parent? While it may seem like a convenient way to pay the bills, a joint account has drawbacks that could be financially damaging to you both. Weigh the pros and cons here before heading to the bank.

 

Advantages of a joint bank account

A joint bank account is an easy way to assist your aging parent with managing day-to-day finances. Having a joint checking account can help you:

• Ensure bills are paid on time
  You can easily pay your parent’s bills with automatic payments or checks from the joint account.
• Monitor your mom or dad’s finances
  Seniors are often targets of fraud. Regularly checking their account statements makes it easier to spot. If you’re worried your parent may be suffering cognitive decline, you can also keep track of their purchases to make sure they aren’t overspending.
• Pay caregivers and aides
  Regular caregiving expenses, including housekeeping and home care, can be paid from the joint account.
• Pay for emergency medical care
  If your elderly parent requires immediate payment for medical care, you can draw from the joint account.
• Access funds after your parent dies
  With a joint checking account, you have immediate access to funds without having to go through probate. This can help with funeral expenses and hospital or hospice bills.

Risks of a joint bank account with an elderly parent

Depending on your financial situation, the decision to combine accounts could be detrimental to both you and your parent. Here are some risks to consider before opening a joint account with your elderly loved one:

• Rights of ownership
  “The money in that joint account is now owned equally by the parent and the child,” writes Timothy L. Takacs, a certified elder law attorney in Hendersonville, Tennessee. “This means the child can take out money at any time without the parent’s consent.” In other words, the money isn’t split 50/50. Either person can withdraw the entire account without penalty.
• Financial qualification
  The funds in the account can affect your ability to qualify for financial assistance. For example, sharing a bank account could put an elderly parent above the income threshold for Medicaid. It could also affect financial aid for prospective college students.
• Risk of damage or debt
  Joint bank accounts are subject to liens, debt collection, divorces, and bankruptcy. This can put either party in financial danger due to the other’s circumstances.
  • If the adult child on the bank account gets divorced, their parent’s contributions can be considered part of their assets to be split in the separation.
  • If either party declares bankruptcy, the entire account is considered an asset.
  • Creditors can pursue the funds if either party owes money for medical bills, child support, etc.

Accessing an elderly parent’s bank account with siblings

Money is the main reason adult siblings fight over their parent’s care, and joint bank accounts can lead to disputes. If one sibling is a primary caregiver, or helps their aging loved one pay bills, it may seem sensible for them to take over an elderly parent’s finances or to set up a joint account.

 

But siblings could question how and why money is being spent, says Mike Travers, a certified financial planner in Ontario, Canada. They may accuse the joint account holder of financial abuse, especially if the funds appear to be misappropriated. “Parents need to be mindful of what they may set their children up for,” says Travers.

In families with multiple children, a joint checking account with one child has consequences regarding inheritance. “In most states, upon the parent’s death, the money in the account automatically goes to the child whose name is on the account, thereby disinheriting the other children,” writes Takacs. This is because joint accounts are usually held with rights of survivorship, which means ownership passes automatically from the deceased to their survivor.

A joint account can preclude a will in the case of your loved one’s death, no matter when the account was established. This means the child on the shared account would receive all the money in the account.

The FDIC guide to joint bank accounts provides a potential solution: “While most joint accounts are held with rights of survivorship, in rare instances joint account owners are ‘tenants in common,’ which means ownership does not necessarily pass from decedent to survivor. Instead, each co-owner can bequeath his or her share of the account to whomever he or she chooses.” With this provision, the aging parent could assign their share of the account to a separate child, ensuring it’s split evenly. Consult a financial advisor to see if this provision could apply to your family.

Alternatives to a joint bank account

If the risks of a joint bank account outweigh the benefits in your family’s circumstances, consider these alternatives:

1. Signature authority on accounts
   The IRS suggests signature authority, which allows an adult child access to their aging parent’s bank account. They can use it to pay bills and make purchases as long as they’re in the loved one’s interest. Your local bank branch can set this up easily with both signatures.
2. Power of attorney
   With power of attorney, an adult child can handle financial matters on their aging parent’s behalf. This means they can deposit social security checks, pay bills, or manage investments. With financial power of attorney, a child can also maintain or sell assets and access bank accounts. A durable financial power of attorney is recommended, since it remains in effect even if the parent is incapacitated.
3. Payable on death provision
   An aging parent can add a “payable on death” provision to bank accounts, according to Legacy Assurance. This ensures their money will bypass probate and be paid directly to beneficiaries. If they have a will, it’s important to be sure the two don’t contradict each other.
4. Revocable living trust
   Aging parents can put money for relatives into a revocable living trust (“revocable” means parents can alter the trust as long as they’re mentally competent — after that, it becomes an “irrevocable” trust), according to the American Bar Association. There are three parties involved: the creator, the co-trustee who manages assets (which could be an adult child), and the beneficiaries. This is only a viable option if the elderly parent has sufficient finances to set up a trust.
5. Direct deposit
   An adult child can open a checking account in their own name to manage their parent’s funds. Even though it won’t accrue interest, the balance can be altered with regular deposits. For instance, if a child generally spends $1,000 a month on their parent’s care, the parent’s individual savings account or trust could automatically deposit that amount on a monthly basis.

How to find an expert to help with senior finances

Every family’s financial situation is different. Consider consulting a certified financial advisor to understand how to best help your elderly parents. Visit the Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards to search for one by city, state, or ZIP code. Certified elder law attorneys are often also experts in financial issues related to aging. Visit the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys to find one in your area.

Before selecting an advisor, ask about their experience with elderly finances. Registered financial gerontologists have extra training in providing financial advice to aging adults and their families. In addition, some geriatric care managers offer financial advising or can link you with an advisor who specializes in elder-care finance.

 

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Source: Claire Samuels

People have the same basic needs at any age: to explore, have fun, learn, and live life to the fullest. Activities for assisted living residents do much more than just pass the time. They help seniors lead healthier, happier lives.

Activities for seniors in assisted living suit all interests and lifestyles

Assisted living communities offer a variety of activities to suit residents’ varying abilities and interests. Here are some of the top ways assisted living communities help seniors stay active.

Learning new skills

Lifelong learning is crucial to feeling energized and interested in life. Workshops and classes in senior living communities often include the following:

• Painting and woodworking classes
• Educational lectures
• Book clubs and writing workshops
• Computer and foreign language classes

Dancing

Dancing remains ever-popular at senior communities and is a daily event for most. Dancing is not only fun, but it helps keep residents fit. Plus, it’s an excellent social opportunity.

Residents often enjoy a variety of dancing styles:

• Ballroom dancing
• Line dancing
• Swing dancing
• Square dancing

Entertainment

The show must go on! Entertainment is a mainstay of most assisted living facilities. Entertainers often perform at communities so residents don’t need to travel. Sometimes, friends and family are even invited.

Types of senior living entertainment can vary:

• Stand-up comedy
• Visiting choirs
• Visiting choirs
• Pedigree dog shows
• Drama groups

Assisted living exercise activities

Exercise promotes healthy blood flow to the brain and increases mobility.

Today’s senior communities strive to make fitness fun and easily accessible through different activities, such as:

• Meditation and Tai chi
• Yoga and chair yoga
• Gardening
• Swimming
• Zumba and Spin class 

Music and karaoke

Singing is great for the soul. There’s no such thing as bad singing if it comes from the heart.

Many assisted living communities stage their own competitions like “American Idol” or “The Masked Singer,” but even old-fashioned karaoke is a blast. Residents may even be serenaded by community choirs or other talented musicians.

Whatever it may be, residents can sit back, relax, and enjoy:

• Singing contests
• Karaoke
• Shows from private musicians
• Children’s choir visits

Special events

Many events are holiday-themed, but no special occasion is needed to have fun. Some communities hold carnivals for residents complete with cotton candy and dunk tanks, while others host senior proms or screenings of major events such as political debates and sports championships.

Each community hosts different kinds of special events, so be sure to explore ones that interest you or your elderly loved one.

• Classic car shows
• Art shows
• Fashion shows
• Pool parties
• Happy hours

Games

It’s not just bingo! The majority of communities have a combination of both traditional and virtual games as activities for seniors in assisted living.

Nintendo’s Wii — a video game system in which users interact with the game by moving their body rather than manipulating a joystick — is one popular amenity. Most residents find the Wii easy to learn and downright enjoyable.

Popular Wii video games include:

• Baseball
• Bowling
• Tennis
• Golf 

Traditional brain-boosting games include:

• Trivia
• Soduku and Crossword puzzles
• Chess and checkers

Field trips

Who doesn’t love going to new places, spending time with friends, or simply trying something new? Many assisted living communities plan field trips to help residents bond and learn.

• Concerts
• Local museums
• Sporting events
• Plays or musicals
• Movies

Outdoor excursions

People of all ages need opportunities to breathe fresh air, smell wildflowers, or walk among the trees. Frequent assisted living exercise activities set outdoors help residents immerse themselves in nature.

• Picnics
• Nature trail walks
• Community service projects
• Trips to farmers markets
• Visits to the park

Health benefits of assisted living activities

Activities can stimulate older adults’ minds and bodies in three key ways:

1. Physical preservation. Inactivity may be more important than age when it comes to losing the ability to do things on your own, according to the National Institute on Aging (NIA). Exercise has been shown to decrease depression, falls, and blood pressure while improving strength, balance, and sleep. Physical activity also stimulates blood flow to the brain, which may help improve cognitive function.
2. Mental stimulation. Keeping your mind sharp through activities can reduce signs of memory loss and cognitive decline. For this reason, many assisted living communities provide mentally stimulating activities, or “brain games,” to exercise residents’ minds.
3. Reduced isolation. Researchers are learning more about the dangers of social isolation and loneliness among older adults. Too much time alone increases a senior’s risk of dementia, as well as other health problems including high blood pressure, obesity, depression, and heart disease.

 

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Source: Merritt Whitley

Just as exercise improves your physical health, brain workouts strengthen your mind, boosting your memory and thinking skills. Even better, it’s never too late to begin exercising your most important muscle. Read on for 10 easy ways to stimulate your brain.

1. Exercise for a healthier mind

Your mind and body are interconnected so, often, what benefits the body benefits the brain. Regular exercise, even taking a simple walk, goes a long way toward improving your memory and cognitive skills, according to Dr. Scott McGinnis, an instructor in neurology at Harvard Medical School.

In fact, the foot’s impact during a walk sends pressure waves through the arteries, increasing blood flow and resulting in a healthier mind, according to researchers at New Mexico Highlands University.

Try adding some of these physical activities to your daily or weekly routine to boost blood flow to your brain:

• Hiking on nearby nature trails
• Tennis or pickle ball
• Walking your dog
• Yoga or tai chi
• Water aerobics

 2. Read for intellectual stimulation

In a study in the journal Neurology, regular reading and writing in late life reduced the rate of memory decline by 32%.

Make reading more of a habit by:

• Joining or starting a book club through your church, temple, or local library or bookstore.
• Reading to your grandchildren in person or via FaceTime or Skype.
• Subscribing to a favorite magazine or local newspaper.
• Setting aside a time each day for reading.
• Reading only what you like — it’s OK to give up and choose something else.

 3. Eat healthy to stimulate your brain

You may know that nuts, fish, and red wine have been linked to a healthy brain. For an extra brain boost, try including these foods in your diet, suggests Healthline:

• Salmon is filled with Omega-3 fatty acids, major building blocks of the brain.
• Green tea improves alertness and focus. It’s rich in polyphenols and antioxidants, and has been linked with a reduction in the risk of Alzheimer’s disease and Parkinson’s disease.
• Eggs have many nutrients tied to brain health such as B6, B12, folate, and choline. Choline helps create a neurotransmitter called acetylcholine, which helps regulate mood and memory.
• Blueberries have antioxidants, which have been shown to improve communication between brain cells, delay short-term memory loss, and reduce inflammation.

4. Strive for good posture

If your mother or teachers told you to sit up, they were right to — maintaining an upright posture improves circulation and blood flow to the brain. Here are three ways to improve yours:

• Sleep with your spine aligned: Sleeping on your back or side is generally less stressful on your spine, according to Cleveland Clinic. In back sleeping, gravity keeps your body centered over your spine. If you sleep on your side, keep your head in neutral posture with your chin straight ahead.

• Improve your balance: Staying balanced reduces the risk of falls and benefits the spine. Try online or in-person yoga for beginner’s classes to improve balance.

• Maintain a healthy weight: Carrying extra weight adds stress to your muscles and makes it more difficult to maintain proper posture.

5. Get plenty of sleep to improve memory

Sleep problems can lead to trouble with memory, concentration, and other cognitive functions, says the National Institute on Aging. Memories and newly learned skills move to more permanent regions of the brain while you sleep, according to the National Sleep Foundation (NSF). This makes them easier to recall.

Adults 65 and older should aim for seven to eight hours of sleep each night, says the NSF. If you’re between the ages of 26 and 64, seven to nine hours nightly is a good goal.

Struggling to get to, or stay, asleep? Try these tips:

• Stay consistent: Pick a bedtime and stick with it — a routine will help you sleep better overall. This also includes setting a regular time to wake up on weekends.

• Avoid heavy food: Large serving sizes can irritate your stomach, causing you to lose sleep. Instead, when you’re hungry at night, have small snacks like nuts or slices of fruit.

• Limit stimulants: Try to avoid coffee, cola, cigarettes, and chocolate for up to four to six hours before bed.

• Limit alcohol: Alcohol disrupts REM and slow-wave sleep, which are important for memory. It’s best to avoid alcohol four to six hours before bed.

6. Play games or draw

Paint, color in an adult coloring book, or grab a pen and paper and draw. Whether it’s a masterpiece, or a mere doodle, making something artistic is an intellectual workout.

Games are another simple way to sharpen and stimulate your mind. Here are a few fun games for your brain:

• Sudoku
• Chess
• Scrabble
• Trivia

7. Listen to music or play an instrument

Many people find listening to or playing music enjoyable, but that’s not the only benefit — it also improves memory function in older adults, according to a 2019 study in Frontiers in Psychology. Finding your favorite tunes, or learning to read or play music is easier than ever thanks to versatile platforms and technology:

• YouTube: A classic way to search for your favorite songs, music videos, or instrument tutorials. You can listen to your favorite songs while learning to play them.
• Spotify: A popular platform that includes new and older songs from all around the world. Create playlists easily, and listen to your favorite songs anytime you want.
• Pandora: Stream music for free and check out new artist or song recommendations. You can easily discover new music based on artists you already like and build your catalog.
• Take Lessons: Schedule a lesson online or in-person with an instructor at a price that works for you. Group lessons are available too, so you can learn with loved ones.

8. Learn a foreign language to boost cognitive functioning

Even if international travel isn’t in your plans, learning a new language can be beneficial. It improves cognitive functioning in older adults, according to a review of several studies in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience.

9. Find a new hobby to strengthen your brain

Learning a craft or skill can stimulate your mind, relieve boredom, and liven up your daily routine. Many colleges and senior centers offer engaging, low-cost lectures and classes for older adults. Whether you’re learning a new recipe, beefing up your computer skills, ongoing education is a surefire way to stay sharp. What interests you?

• Carpentry
• Sewing
• Gardening
• Cooking
• Knitting
• Photography
• Fishing
• Golfing
• Swimming

 10. Write frequently

Writing improves working memory and communication abilities. In the end, it doesn’t matter what you write because simply expressing yourself will boost your brain activity.  These 9 easy writing exercises can jumpstart your creative energy. Have fun, and enjoy a brain workout by writing one of the following:

• Poetry
• Creative stories
• Song lyrics
• Handwritten letters
• Emails
• Blog posts
• Cards

Although there are no clinically proven ways to reverse the course of brain diseases like Alzheimer’s, these tips may help combat normal, age-related mental decline. By continuing to find unique ways to stimulate your brain, you increase the odds your brain will thrive for years to come.

 8. Learn a foreign language to boost cognitive functioning

Even if international travel isn’t in your plans, learning a new language can be beneficial. It improves cognitive functioning in older adults, according to a review of several studies in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience.

 9. Find a new hobby to strengthen your brain

Learning a craft or skill can stimulate your mind, relieve boredom, and liven up your daily routine. Many colleges and senior centers offer engaging, low-cost lectures and classes for older adults. Whether you’re learning a new recipe, beefing up your computer skills, ongoing education is a surefire way to stay sharp. What interests you?

• Carpentry
• Sewing
• Gardening
• Cooking
• Knitting
• Photography
• Fishing
• Golfing
• Swimming

 10. Write frequently

Writing improves working memory and communication abilities. In the end, it doesn’t matter what you write because simply expressing yourself will boost your brain activity.  These 9 easy writing exercises can jumpstart your creative energy. Have fun, and enjoy a brain workout by writing one of the following:

• Poetry
• Creative stories
• Song lyrics
• Handwritten letters
• Emails
• Blog posts
• Cards

Although there are no clinically proven ways to reverse the course of brain diseases like Alzheimer’s, these tips may help combat normal, age-related mental decline. By continuing to find unique ways to stimulate your brain, you increase the odds your brain will thrive for years to come.

 

For more information, contact one of our Sales Directors today!

 

 

 

Source: Merritt Whitley